just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize