I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
