I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
