Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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