Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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