yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
