My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
