yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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