It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I still have a little drunk in my system
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
