i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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