please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
