We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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