either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
