You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
