glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
