my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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