I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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