shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
