nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
