Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
