I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
