So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
