i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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