Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
