i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have feelings that need drinking.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
