I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
