some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to make out with him forever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
