the condom got lost in my hair
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
