oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
