Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
