I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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