dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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