Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
