nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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