In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
