Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
