I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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