I hate your face
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dear god my vagina.
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