It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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