I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
