I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize