in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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