I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
