I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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