I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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