i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
