Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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