Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
how does that bad decision feel?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
