dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
