The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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