Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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