On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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