so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
