i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
