DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
wow bdsm is so cute
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He did a backflip because drugs
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