he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
