went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
