dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
