I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
