All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
