I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
