White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am one with the molecules
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
