Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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