You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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