I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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