Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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