Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
