I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
