I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
