Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
