so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
