well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
