On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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