Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
