Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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