It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
