I heard we made out
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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