shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
