Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize