I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
