i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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