I need help removing her.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
