so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
