So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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