Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
