i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
