He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
