the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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