the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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