moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
