I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
