just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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