IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We have so much sex to catch up on
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
