everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
