so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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