What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize