Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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