i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
