what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
