drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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