she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
