i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
