I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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