we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize