capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
