Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
