i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Michael Bay diarrhea
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
