Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
